It’s not enough, I guess, that the Five Guys hamburger earned a spot in our inaugural D.C. Dish Hall of Fame. The burger’s many fans want the respect that goes along with the honor. Everyone’s respect, in fact, and either you give it or you are, in the words of commenter The Truth, a “douche nozzle.” Or maybe even a “whimpering little douche nozzle.”
Such devotion. Such limited language skills.
Anyway, I have been impressed with the chain’s fan base and its continued faith in a burger that has been franchised from here to Timbuktu (or, in this case, Medicine Hat, Canada, Five Guys’ first outlet outside the states).
Here are some of the comments Y&H has received since dissin’ that once-revered burger and its place in the D.C. Dish Hall of Fame:
The Truth: Nice backhanded compliment to 5 guys. You just can’t get over the fact that they’re better than your favorites, can you? 5 guys absolutely OWNS Hellburger, and always will. Now, stop behaving like a whimpering little douche nozzle.
Shaman: I’m also in the Five Guys fanboy camp. I’ve visited BGR and Hellburger a bunch of times, and while I enjoyed every burger I had, Five Guys provides a more fulfilling and enjoyable taste experience than the rest. In my personal opinion, there’s definitely some law-of-diminishing-returns that kicks in when a burger patty exceeds a certain thickness, and when you try to fancy-up a burger, it just feels wrong. Oh, and as much as I have to confess my love for foie gras as a Hellburger option, the crumbly, wimpy buns and their inability to adequately support the burger’s structure is simply unforgivable. You can taste the quality of the beef, no doubt, and the tomatoes are almost always wonderfully ripe—a rare treat. The buns suck.
Rich: I also prefer 5 Guys to Hellburger and the Burger Joint. Hellburger: superb meat, over-spiced on the cracked peppercorn, which combines with the bleu cheese to make it hard for me to appreciate the meat. It’s also overcrowded, and not a terribly pleasant overall burger experience. BGR: nice patty, again with the high-quality meat of low fat content, which makes the burger’s structural integrity in issue all three times I’ve eaten there. 5G: a suitably greasy burger, with a taste that brings to mind the In-N-Out animal style that is the apex of my burger universe. Sorry, boutique burgers. Top-grade sirloin doesn’t make a better cheesesteak than Pat’s or Geno’s, and it won’t create a better burger, either.