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Remember how I was saying that growing your own indoor mushrooms is so easy that even a green death thumb like me could do it? Well, I have to admit, I’m getting nervous. After a week of watering and worrying over my box of dirt, all I have is…a box of dirt.

I’m trying to take some solace in this sentence buried in the four-page instruction sheets: “Within 7 to 14 days after placing the casing on the compost, you will notice the white mushroom mycelium beginning to grow up into the casing.”

Obviously, I’m hoping to see some progress in the next seven days. Otherwise, my track record as a gardener will remain perfect. God, I hate thinking I’m the Death Star of the plant world.