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Call the Army! The mushrooms are taking over! The mushrooms are taking over! The mushrooms are taking over!

My Mushroom Adventures kit, true to its word, has been producing  offspring like a Catholic family during the war. Even worse, the Portabellas are growing at alarming rates, which the kit warned me about: “Mushrooms will just about double in size every day when they are young.”

No shit. Check out the picture from Sunday.

Despite their size, and their threat to break through the very box in which they were birthed, only the monstrous ‘shroom in the upper right is ready for picking. How do I know?

From the kit: “A mushroom is mature and ready to be picked when the thin veil covering the gills under the mushroom begins to tear open. The size of the mushroom has nothing to do with maturity; even small mushrooms should be picked when the veil tears open.”

I’ve been feeling up my Portabellas this morning, trying to determine if their veil has broken. Only the big guy’s has.

Now my bigger problem is timing. I can’t cook my mushrooms, given the nature of my job, until this weekend. Fortunately, Portabellas, according to Chow.com, have a shelf life of seven days.

Keep those recipe ideas coming!