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You have no doubt seen the self-mocking commercials in which Domino’s Pizza lays out the public’s complaints against its product (cardboard crust, ketchup-like sauce, the sweet aroma of a dying company) and swears it has rectified the problem. The company even has a Web site dedicated to thumping its chest about rebuilding Domino’s pizza from the crust up.

I don’t have any memory of my last Domino’s pie (probably ’cause you only order it when drunk?), so I can judge it only by my own standards of good pizza. Now I realize those standards must be recalibrated for take-out pie, especially corporate take-out pie with outlets all over hell and back, but even when grading on a scale, I have to say this: Domino’s re-engineered pizza sucks. It probably doesn’t suck as hard as it used to, but it still sucks.

Let me count the ways: Crust as soft as sponge cake. The dominant flavor is garlic powder, lots and lots of garlic powder, while the sauce has barely a trace of the herbs and spices mentioned in this documentary. The best thing about this pizza is the sausage, which has a decent spice level. For $15 for a medium, three topping pizza, Domino’s should be able to do much better.

One member of our household, however, really liked the new pie: