Hot on the heels of, arguably, reality TV’s lowest moment, the venerable Always Hungry New York took up the challenge of deciding which town has the biggest and baddest Jumbo Slice — New York or D.C.?

Now, this contest raises a logical question: Who cares? Isn’t this like raising the question of which city has better sanitation services? The Jumbo Slice serves a similar utilitarian function as municipal trash pick-up. The slice’s role in society works something like this: You starve yourself before going out for the evening, you head directly to a bar, you drink until your body is simultaneously full and dehydrated, you stumble to the nearest Jumbo Slice operator, and you chow down on some affordable comestibles that offer the benefit of sheer caloric volume.

Under these conditions, cheese on flatbread is second only to sex in the reptilian brain’s hierarchy of needs. For fulfilling this need, all Jumbo Slice operators ought be presented with presidential medals of honor for community service.

Regardless, Always Hungry’s Arthur Bovino has conducted a meticulous cultural and culinary comparison of Pizza Mart‘s slice versus the one from Koronet Pizza in New York. You could argue that his examination has one fatal flaw: He’s a Georgetown grad.

What I mean is that some of your most formative pizza-eating experiences are had while in college. Only the most dispassionate and disciplined of minds could overcome the inherent bias toward the lowly slices one consumes while receiving a higher education. Perhaps Bovino has such a mind. Check out his Jumbo Slice survey and decide for yourself.

Photo courtesy of krossbow via Flickr Creative Commons, Attribution License