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The shortcomings of restaurant and nightclub websites—-annoying-to-switch-off music, curiously hidden basic information, PDF menus—-are numerous and well-documented, and plenty of perfectly acceptable establishments are guilty.

Still, if a restaurant’s online presentation tells you something about its ethos, then the most noxious examples of the genre also function as effective reverse advertisements. See the website for Lincoln, which flashes quotes from both the 16th president as well as the guy who deemed it a good idea to open a theme restaurant inspired by the 16th president. (Abraham Lincoln: “The better part of one’s life consists of his friendships.” Alan Popovsky: “I know they’re talking about eliminating the penny but, I don’t know – that seems so un-American to me.”)

Way more pretentious than that is the website of H Street NE restaurant and lounge Da Luft, whose stock photos of ladies posing with disco balls would be the worst of it if not for the intro text, which pioneers exciting new combinations of elementary-school reading level and day-trader manifesto:

Thousands drive and walk through the streets of Washington DC uptown seeking a refreshing experience everytime. This powerful, charming and luxurious atmosphere always demands a destination of satire, refreshments and entertainment worthy of exclusivity and glamour. DA-Luft lends this experience to every noble patron once they walk into our doors. Socialize with the best of the beautiful, taste from the top-rated and drink from a wine cellar blessed by countries far and wide. In otherwords.. Escape the norm!

Either this is a particularly high-level spoof, or it requires some close reading.

Thousands drive and walk through the streets of Washington DC uptown seeking a refreshing experience everytime.

There are lots of people in the District who like to do lots of new things.

This powerful, charming and luxurious atmosphere

#boomtown, amiright?

always demands a destination of satire, refreshments and entertainment

Bottle service and bro hugs…

worthy of exclusivity and glamour.

and very large watches.

DA-Luft lends this experience to every noble patron once they walk into our doors.

Literally noble. Petit bourgeoisie, scoot it.

Socialize with the best of the beautiful,

Stay away, uggos.

taste from the top-rated

So top-rated it’s nounless.

and drink from a wine cellar blessed by countries far and wide.

Far and wide = Russia, China, Australia

In otherwords.. Escape the norm!

OK.