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Update: Mendelson responds. Scroll down to see his response to our suggestions.

It’s time for some straight talk for Councilmember Phil Mendelson, who a recent Post poll shows is about to lose his seat/political career/life because voters are too dumb to know the difference between Michael D. Brown and Michael A. Brown.

Mendo, you’re fucked. You’ve got no chance to win unless you stop playing it safe, and start going crazy. It’s an uphill battle making people smart, and you don’t have the time. As a public service, LL and City Paper‘s Jason Cherkis and Lydia DePillis have some ideas for you.

You may not have time, but one thing you do have is money. D. Brown doesn’t have any—or a website that we can find, or yard signs, or fliers that we’ve seen. All these things have worked in Michael D. Brown’s favor; the less people see of him, the more votes he gets. Because they think he’s Michael A. Brown.

Time to change that, Phil. Drop your campaign, and start campaigning for Michael D. Brown. Pretend you are now his campaign manager. Follow these steps, and you might wind up pulling it out:

1) Get a giant tattoo of Michael D. Brown on your back. Start walking around shirtless.

2) Call the D.C. Council back in session to declare Sept. 13 “Michael D. Brown Day.” Also, organize a corresponding parade. Make sure there are lots of visuals involved. A float featuring a bust of Michael D. Brown couldn’t hurt.

3) Get life-sized cutouts of Michael D. Brown, and put them at every polling place. Make sure his name is on them.

4) Hire about a dozen doughy white guys to impersonate Michael D. Brown; send them door-to-door.

5) Get City Paper‘s Darrow Montgomery to take Michael D. Brown’s picture so we can use it on blog posts.

6) Go-Go for Michael D. Brown. (Hey, it’s working for Adrian Fenty‘s campaign… Wait, what? Oh. Never mind.)

Update: Cherkis caught up with Mendelson and pitched our ideas. The councilmember was not impressed and said he wouldn’t follow any of our suggestions.

“I can’t believe you asked that” is how he responded to our tattoo suggestion.

Instead, Mendelson is following this path: “We have [a] voter alert card that’s going to be mailed out. And we had a press conference this afternoon. And I have a mailing that and another mailing that will mention Michael Brown.”

Good luck with that.

Photo by Darrow Montgomery