Hey Pepco, what’s your problem? Why is it we can’t have a big snowfall without half your customers losing their power? LL can guess: it’s not your fault, it’s the trees’. Those stupid old trees!

Well guess what, Pepco: Plenty of other cities across the Northern Hemisphere have solved the riddle of having trees and big snowfalls without predicable power failure. Somewhere in the former Soviet Union right now, they’re laughing at us, the nation’s capital, ’cause we’re too dumb to figure out how to keep the lights on whenever it snows. Does LL need to move to Minsk to keep his newborn warm? Last night, LL had to choose between keeping his family at a stone-cold powerless house, or braving horrendous roads to find some heat. Lucky for everyone, LL’s son is a tough guy and did alright under a bunch of blankets. But that’s a pretty crappy decision for a new parent to have to make because your crackerjack company doesn’t know what a chainsaw is.

Here’s a free science lesson for you: When a tree branch becomes weighted down with enough snow, it’ll fall. And if said tree branch is hovering atop of power line, that means problems. So start trimming.

And don’t give LL that line about how most of your power outages are due to falling branches from trees on private property, where owners are hesitant to let you play tree surgeon. That excuse smells about as bad as the semi-frozen diapers LL’s kid was making last night. If you were serious about improving your wretched service, you would have started lobbying lawmakers and the public a long time ago for the right to trim any tree you need to keep the lights on. Or better yet—come up with some plan to keep reliable service despite all the trees!

Instead, all LL hears from you are excuses. So at the risk of sounding like Howard Kurtz last summer… Screw you, Pepco.