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Good afternoon sweet readers! LL has never actually seen a Friday the 13th movie. Has anyone? News time:

Get Off My Lawn: Mayor Vince Gray, fearful of that scene in The Jungle when Stanislovas Lukoszas gets eaten by rats, has asked the National Park Service to kindly evict the Occupy D.C. protesters from McPherson Square and move them to anti-rat marble oasis of Freedom Plaza. The protesters say the rats aren’t their fault and they aren’t gonna go quietly if the Park Service takes Gray up on his suggestion. Meanwhile, Rep. Darrell Issa claps slowly in support of his new buddy Gray.

AFTER THE JUMP: Council to all 50 States; HTJ Associate Charged; VO Looks Out for Ward 5…

This Is Not A Good Idea: The Examiner reports that the D.C. Council wants to travel to all 50 states this year to lobby for statehood. Officials could provide no estimate for how much it would cost to travel to all 50 states during the course of the year, whether or not they would make all 50 in 2012 or precisely how many days that would require city officials to set aside city business.”

In Other News:

  • Gray meeting with Carcetti and that guy who’s overshadowed by Cuccinelli today to talk Metro.
  • Taxicab Commissiner Ron Linton stings Uber.
  • Post ed board still upset that D.C. Democrats meet at Wilson Building.
  • Howard professor, 71, gets caught up in HTJ scam.
  • At-large Councilmember Vincent Orange looking to cap medical maraijuana dispensaries and strip clubs in Ward 5.

Gray sked: 12:00 p.m. – 2:00 p.m.: Memorial Service for Ofield Dukes; 3:00 p.m. – 4:00 p.m.: Meeting with Maryland Gov. Martin O’Malley and Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell; 7:30 p.m. – 9:30 p.m.: BET Honors Dinner.

Council sked: Human Services talks child abuse prevention at 11 a.m.