Uncle LL brings you something better than $668,800: Mayoral Power Rankings. If you’d like to see a real life Power Rankings, come to the Loose Lips mayoral debate Sunday night at the Black Cat. The doors open at 8 p.m.  

1. Muriel Bowser

WhatJeff Thompson‘s plea comes at the perfect time for Bowser, who needed another reason for voters to ditch Gray for her. Thompson’s downfall hasn’t been all good for Bowser, who received Thompson-linked donations, too.

Why: With $694,293.83 in cash on hand in Monday’s campaign finance reports, Bowser is nearly tied with Gray in reserves.

Power Rankings Momentum: Precarious.

2. Tommy Wells

What: Wells’ campaign got a Twilight Zone-style twist Monday, when Thompson’s plea proved Wells right all along about the moneyed city contractor who backed four of his opponents.

Why: But like any good Twilight Zone episode, there’s one final twist. The ethical prudery that makes Wells so attractive in light of the Thompson plea could also make him unable to turn it into a win.

Wells’ campaign was down to $68,909 in the latest campaign finance reports, even as his rivals finished accumulating their Smaug-like hoards for the final push. While Jack Evans can blow money telling voters about how he’s not the “cool mayor,” Wells doesn’t have the same resources to talk ethics.

Power Rankings Momentum: Rising.

3. Vince Gray

What: Thompson finally put Gray in the shadow campaign planning Monday, and Gray responded with a State of the District address that may or may not have included racial codewords. A week after being praised by Gray’s campaign for its wisdom, the Northwest Current withdrew its endorsement. Gray’s opponents went at him in last night’s NewsChannel 8 debate, but managed to bruise each other nearly as much as the incumbent.

Why: Gray would be much further down this list if he didn’t also disclose this week that, with $710,393.24 in the bank, he has more cash on hand than any other candidate. But that advantage could soon disappear if Thompson’s plea spooked donors. Even if it doesn’t, the largest bankroll in the world won’t buy off Ron Machen.

Power Rankings Momentum: Falling.

4. Jack Evans

What: Evans has been on a mail tear lately, spending $42,250.24 at one printing company in the last campaign finance reports. But is it money spent wisely? One mailer LL saw, about how much Evans loves Nationals Park, just has a blurry picture of a baseball player on the first page.

In other Evans spending money news, he tells LL that he’ll start running TV ads soon.

Why: Evans might want to tone down his softshoe routine with Gray.

Power Rankings Momentum: Falling.

5. Andy Shallal

What: Shallal and the rest of the lagging four mayoral candidates finally got physically separated from their rivals this week, sent to the kids’ table in the first round of the NewsChannel 8 debates. Shallal has a little less than $50,000 left in cash on hand.

Why: Shallal’s press release mill reached a new level this week, repeatedly calling for Gray to “come clean” and, eventually, for him to drop out of the race. So far, Gray hasn’t taken them up on the offer.

Power Rankings Momentum: Stalled.

6. Reta Jo Lewis

What: Former Clintonite Lewis’ utter lack of movement gives LL space to consider the more technical parts of her campaign. An earlier Mayoral Power Rankings took up Lewis’ absurdist style of tweeting. Now LL is struck by her so-boring-they’re-fascinating fundraising email subject lines.

Here’s an example: “more spreadsheets.”

Why: The nexus between Hillary Clinton and Thompson bodes well for Lewis debate umbrage.

Power Rankings Momentum: Rising.

7. Vincent Orange

What: Not a great week for Orange, who, in one day, was mentioned in the Thompson plea deal and revealed that he only raised $10,000 in the last fundraising round. With only around $18,000 left in cash on hand, the rubber awareness bracelet fund is running low.

Orange also landed the less desirable community television timeslot for his State of the District response. Left out of the frontrunner debate, he was left to blast-text LL and some other people last night to complain that LL hadn’t tweeted enough about the Bowser-Thompson connection.

Why: At least Thompson, now in the grips of federal authorities, helped Orange out one last time by saying in court that he’s not sure whether Orange knew about the illegal campaign.

Power Rankings Momentum: Falling.

Honorable Mentions: Finally official mayoral candidate David Catania, who sailed through his first press conference and initial WAMU appearance. Mayoral also-ran Carlos Allen, who parked his enormous tour bus in front of the State of the District address, to the chagrin of parking officers.

Washington Post writer Clinton Yates, whose Monday column rankled Evans enough that he called Yates a Bowser “flunky” in the NewsChannel 8 debate. Thompson, who somehow leveraged being the Lex Luthor of District politics into a mere six months in prison.

Photos by Darrow Montgomery