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The twittosphere is all a-twatter with twalk of a blasphemous new Malcolm Gladwell essay about how Twitter is notactually “revolutionary.” Will the DC media break its unofficially ban on reading media critiques that cannot be summarized in 140 characters, authored by writers who have not even Tweeted since October 2009? I don’t know, but they’ll figure it out on Twitter.

Other things that were figured out on Twitter over the weekend: what to drink at morning weddings, someone’s bug problem, how Ana Marie Cox should attire herself for TV appearances, the caloric content of various food items available at McDonald’s, and so many other terribly vital revolutionary things.

Thirteen separate followers of Spencer AckermanTweeted in reply to his Saturday morning query as to the correct “protocol” for drinking at a morning wedding, with twelve in favor of imbibing and only one Ned Greene counseling against drinking anything at all, “not even bloodies,” until after wine had been served. (Greene himself has only 13 followers; sayin.)

Someone named Patrick who calls himself “Trade Policy Guy” reminded the dozens of twitterers who professed to be tweeting from something called “TBD Night” on Saturday to remember to use the #TBDnight hashtag, then added an update on his progress exterminating bugs from his residence.

Howard Kurtz tweeted the link to Elif Batuman‘s Times Mag cover story about the legal trial over Franz Kafka’s unpublished manuscripts that he “must be the only person” who didn’t know Kafka’s masterpieces were published “against his final wish.” So humble, Howie. (P.S. There was actually an A1 Washington Post story about this in January but the tweets on that expired more than six months ago.) (P.P.S. Has anyone ever actually respected the final wishes of a dying literary genius? Ted Hughes “destroyed” some of Sylvia Plath‘s journals and “disappeared” a few others, but I think that was totally his idea.) (P.P.P.S. Please someone burn all of Twitter, immediately upon the death of Chris Hitchens.)

David Gregory‘s daughter lost a tooth and was awarded $5 by the Tooth Fairy, next to the $1 he received as a (presumably not yet graying) child in the early seventies, giving Gregory a chance to reflect on changes in the consumer price index.

Ice-T claimed to have never gotten high “in my life” but endorsed the powers of “extacy” to “make U a sexual beast!”

Time Magazine’s Jay Newton-Small was carded at a restaurant in Alaska. Forced to walk back to her hotel to collect her license, she opined that the indignity was a reflection of a trope she had heard about Alaskans being “ageist against the young-innovation and new ideas are frowned upon” and added “Explains y everyone keeps remarking how young I am.

Ari Melber felt Ana Marie Cox went “pretty light” on Christine O’Donnell’s media ban but praised her “cool t-shirt + jacket look.”

After some prodding from Teresa Kopec, in a tweet that was quickly RT-ed by the aforementioned Cox, Howard Kurtz wondered why the media continued to shower attention on Sarah Palin‘s Facebook missives even as she refused to grant interviews to said media.

Jake Tapper wished “Mazel Tov” to Obama Administration economic Judas Peter Orszag and the chick he started dating right after he knocked up his last girlfriend.

Matt Yglesias conceded that Regina Schrambling had a point when she dismissed as “fast food contrarianism” a blog post he wrote about how there are 1,960 calories in an egg McMuffin, a Big Mac, a Big N’ Tasty with cheese and two orders (one small and one medium) of fries ordered at McDonald’s on grounds that the calculation “only adds up if you stay away from the coke.”

Also on Saturday, Yglesias treated his followers to tweets about “bacon”, “dinner” and why the “marginal cost of a pancake” appears to be zero at some restaurant recently patroned by Mercatus Center director and libertarian anti-Jonathan Franzen partisan Tyler Cowen.

Melinda Henneberger marveled over Lindsay Lohan‘s continuing ability to make headlines for abusing drugs when Marines Justin Allen, Brett Linley and Dave Santos recently “gave their live w/ no media attention.”