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Things I learned/pondered over the course of this shameless attempt to “add value” to TMZ’s  exclusive report about Chelsea Handler‘s canoodleship and/or possible date with 50 Cent last night in New Orleans:

1. Not only does Chelsea Handler have a vodka sponsor, but…

2. She switched liquor allegiances, from Grey Goose to Belvedere, earlier this year. For an undisclosed sum. I knew she was a powerful feminist role model but that is truly inspiring. (Grey Goose! I think I know a few dames who could be your ‘Joe Sestak’ if you know what I mean…)

3. Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea apparently has an “unabridged” version.

4. Is this a real issue of actual Playboy or like, do they print out a decoy cover so everyone around you can totally rest assured you  are “reading it for the articles”?