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HO HO WHO: Lacy J. Dalton, a Nevada-based country singer that Wikipedia says “is known for her gritty, powerful vocals.” Apparently, People magazine once called her a country music equivalent of Bonnie Raitt, so take that as you will. Look, I’ll be honest, I’ve never heard of Lacy J. Dalton before, and thus her new Christmas tune, “Carl the Christmas Dog” is my entry point into the Dalton’s canon, which spans nearly 40 years. As such, consider me a True Fan of Lacy J. Dalton, and her Christmas dog Carl, who certainly loves to eat a lot of things he shouldn’t be eating.
HE ATE WHAT?: “Carl the Christmas Dog” is a catchy little acoustic ditty in which Dalton literally just lists all of the wacky things that the titular dog allegedly ate on or around Christmas. This includes, but is not limited to: a Christmas tree, Christmas lights, Santa’s cookies, possibly the plate on which Santa‘s cookies were on, and a cat. Did I mention this is based on a true story? Apparently Carl, who is Dalton’s actual dog, ate “the tree, presents, and a bunch of other stuff” one Christmas. Much like the movies, however, Dalton says this song “isn’t an accurate portrayal” of everything he ate (rest assured, feline fiends, he did not actually eat a cat.)
I WANT TO BELIEVE (IN CARL): If you thought “Carl the Christmas Dog” wasn’t going to head into the The Twilight Zone, you were so naïve. About three-quarters of the way through the song (the first of three false stops in this song, which seems to drag on longer than the last Lord of the Rings movie), Dalton’s guitar plucks transition into the Twilight Zone theme song. “What the hell is about to happen here?” you start to wonder. As it turns out, Carl the Christmas Dog seems to have some sort of telekinetic powers to possess Dalton’s friend (lover?) Dale to deliver a message. What could that message possibly be? “I love Christmas, WOOF!” Carl, you son of a bitch, you sure do.
CHEER FACTOR:5/10. Luckily, Carl regurgitated the cat, completely intact. Christmas is saved! Also, it turned out he did eat that plate, which was recovered as well. Um, gross.
Sadly, “Carl the Christmas Dog” is not available on Spotify, but Arts Desk will add the rest of this year’s Sleigher songs to a Spotify playlist, updated daily, for your listening pleasure throughout the holiday season.