All Bark, No Bite: Blood and Chocolate?s werewolf tale is dark but dull.

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Regard the billing for Blood and Chocolate—“From the producers of Underworld”—as a threat rather than an encouragement. Just as snoozeworthy as its two vampiric cousins, this drama about a teenage werewolf—a different one, featuring neither Michaels Landon nor J. Fox—and her first love is a highly bastardized version of an Annette Curtis Klause novel, sharing a title and character names but little else. Apparently hypnotized by director Katja von Garnier, Agnes Bruckner stars as Vivian, an American loup-garou who’s been living with her aunt, Astrid (Katja Riemann), in Bucharest since her family was killed 10 years ago. Vivian works as a chocolatier and keeps to herself until she meets a fully human American named Aiden (Hugh Dancy). Aiden pursues her despite her flagrant attempts to avoid him; soon enough they’re getting caught in fountains and laughing in the rain. The bummer is that, according to her family’s rules, Vivian is its future alpha female and therefore promised to her uncle and leader of the pack, Gabriel (Unfaithful’s Olivier Martinez). When Gabriel discovers that she’s not only frolicking with Aiden but surreptitiously discussing her heritage with him, he’s none too pleased. As with Underworld, it’s remarkable how boring Blood and Chocolate is despite its dark and sensual subject. Writers Ehren Kruger (The Ring) and Christopher Landon reduce Klause’s book to a predictable and tween-simple story, complete with platitudes such as “It’s only you you’re running from!” Bruckner’s sleepwalk of a performance is regrettably matched by Martinez’s cartoonish villainy and Dancy’s starving-artist goofiness. (Not to mention Aiden’s general stupidity, which is at its peak when he whines that Vivian should have, yep, run away instead of letting him get involved.) Some of the film, to be fair, is visually lovely, like the nighttime-skylight shots of Romania and scenes of the wolves in chase. For the same effect at a much lower cost, buy a postcard, turn on Animal Planet, and pop a Benadryl.