Something Under the Bed Is Ruling: The kids in The Last Mimzy suddenly acquire world-changing powers.

The little girl in The Last Mimzy is adorable—especially when she has a seizure and levitates like Linda Blair in The Exorcist. Parents should take the film’s PG rating as seriously as the movie takes itself, which, minus some pwecious stuff, is very. Based on a short story by Lewis Padgett (pen name of husband-and-wife writing duo Henry Kuttner and C.L. Moore), it tells of “sensitive little genius” Emma (Rhiannon Leigh Wryn) and her pissy older brother, Noah (Chris O’Neil), who are on a family vacation when they find a strange box on the shore. The box opens itself up mechanically, like an unfolded origami project; inside there are rocks, a sluglike blob, a seashell, and a stuffed rabbit. The kids discover that the toys, and soon themselves, have magical powers. The bunny, for instance, talks to Emma in a thick-but-cute alien accent, telling her its name is “MIM-zeeeee!” and teaching her how to do things like spin the rocks in air. Noah, meanwhile, becomes an ace in science and accidentally causes a giant blackout when he’s messing with the box’s contents, attracting the attention of the Department of Homeland Security (those idiots, the script seems to imply). As the kids’ befuddled parents (Joely Richardson and a phoning-it-in Timothy Hutton) furrow their brows with vague worry about the goings-on, it turns out that Emma and Noah have been tasked with saving the world from “pollutants that filled our bodies and minds.” (Noah’s science teacher, played by The Office’s Rainn Wilson, tries to clue the ’rents in, but considering that his explanation concerns Tibetan artifacts and propheticism, they naturally scoff.) Are you still with me? If not, don’t worry—there are lots of lasers and other cool effects to keep you entertained. Mimzy, directed by the co-CEO of New Line Cinema, Robert Shaye, isn’t terribly clear on how everything ties together: The story also involves Alice in Wonderland, alternate universes, and time travel, and when Noah exclaims “We did it!” at the film’s end, you may not be sure what “it” is. (You will know, however, that the story has no basis in reality when a Homeland Security chief tells the family, “I don’t understand this, but I know I’m sorry.”) Considering that parts are frightening, parts are nauseatingly sweet, and it’s all confusing, it’s not clear which demographic Mimzy is aiming for. It does somehow remain engrossing; still, the most succinct critique comes courtesy of Noah’s teacher: “That. Is. Weird.”