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I was shocked to read your response to Not Giving Up last week. Dan, how could you? For years, you have been our go-to guy for uncommon sexual knowledge. So it made me want to cry when I read your column about Joan Sewell’s book I’d Rather Eat Chocolate: Learning to Love My Low Libido. How could you write these words: “And I’m saddened to report that, according to Sewell…there’s no such thing as a woman who wants sex constantly. They don’t exist.” Sure, you put the phrase, “according to Sewell” in there, but you never once mentioned that there are tons of sex-crazed women out there. Is it possible that you don’t believe we exist?
I am a sex-crazed woman! And I have heard it all, Dan. The excuses (“I’m just too tired!”), the insults (“You’re like a fucking dog in heat!”), and even the breakups (“I want a relationship that’s about more than just sex”). So set the record straight, Dan: Women with high libidos exist! Shatter the myth! Isn’t that what you do best? —From Unsatisfied Cock-loving Kid Here in Maryland
I could have shattered the myth myself, FUCKHIM, and called Sewell on her crap. But what good would that have done? If I ranted about all the women I know out there with high libidos—including the female half of a straight swinging couple who came over for dinner last week—Sewell and her ilk would have shrugged it off. “Of course he would say that,” they would have said, gripping their chocolate bars a little tighter. “He’s a man.”
Instead, I accepted the premise of Sewell’s book—women have naturally lower libidos than men—and ran with it, addressing women with low libidos as if their condition wasn’t just the “norm,” also a debatable point, but the natural state of all women everywhere. I did this knowing that the response from women with high libidos would be deafening—and harder for the Sewells of the world to dismiss.—Dan
Love your column, love you. But your column regarding women and their libidos was dead wrong. My friends and I can vouch for the existence of women who think about sex constantly and who want sex constantly—and not just the handjob/blowjob variety. Straight-up, dead-on, penis-in-vagina—or wherever—sex!
You are absolutely right in this regard: You cannot have monogamy and a low libido. I have given quite a few men their walking papers because of this. —Weekly Reader
I wanted to chime in on women and our supposedly low libidos. I expect that this is true for many women, perhaps even most. However, it isn’t true for me. On an average day, I would prefer to have sex twice. This is too much sex for the average man. Men think they want sex every day, but when given the opportunity, they start complaining about how tired they are after a week or two. I have always been this way, since I was a teenager, so it’s not just some hormone surge or something. Past boyfriends have called me everything from a nympho (I am not) to a whore (I’m actually good at monogamy). A couple guys did behave as though they had discovered the Holy Sex Grail, which did help me to stop feeling so ashamed. —High Libido Lady
Jeez, Dan, you really are not helping us lesbians by continuing to write bullshit like all lesbians like to sit around and eat Doritos rather than have sex! I would sooner be seen sucking some random guy’s dick on the street than eating a bag of Doritos! I like to have hot sex with my girlfriend all the time, and we’ve been together for over a year. —Skinny Sexy Lesbian
I am a 30-year-old woman with a strong libido, so I don’t know if my advice to women with low libidos is very valuable, but I’m surprised that in that entire rant you failed to mention alcohol or pot. A glass of wine or a few hits usually have me ready to hump the nearest thing to a phallus in sight within minutes. And the doctor recommends a glass of wine a day! —One of the Few
Oh, Dan, you continue to rock my world. So many of my straight male friends are trapped in marriages where the woman stopped having sex the day they said the vows (and stopped giving head the day she got the engagement ring). But can you warn guys that they, too, can’t expect fidelity if they won’t put out? Just because I’m a girl doesn’t mean I don’t have a healthy sex drive, and I’m tired of libido-flagging boys saying I’m a whore just ’cause I want it once a week. I’m expecting to hear more of that, thanks to Sewell’s book. —Enthusiastic Not Pathological
Thank you, thank you, thank you, Dan! Your response to NGU was 110 percent right. I am a single woman with a high libido! Day after day, I listen to my married female friends talk like they would rather have a root canal than put out or give their husbands a handjob. The advice you gave is great: Put out on a regular basis or be prepared for your husband to have flings with women like me! —Highly Sexed Single Chick
Can’t get enough letters from women with high libidos? There are tons—tons—at thestranger.com/savage/lustyladies.
With nothing but time on my hands this week, I slipped out of the office and went to the movies. Have you seen 300 yet? It’s about a handful of lightly armed ancient Greeks—the Spartans—who take on the mighty and massive Persian army. Some feel the film is homophobic; some feel it’s a conservative, pro-war piece of agitprop.
Homophobic? It’s Ann Coulter on a meth binge.
The Persian army is an armed gay-pride parade, a threat to all things decent and, er, Greek. The king of the Spartans—among the most notorious boy-fuckers in all of ancient history—dismisses Athenian Greeks as weak-willed “philosophers and boy lovers.” The Persian emperor? An 8-foot-tall black drag queen—mascara, painted-on eyebrows, pink lip gloss. Emperor RuPaul is positively obsessed with men kneeling in front of him. Why gay up the Persians? So that straight boys in the theater can identify with the Spartan king and his 300 soldiers—all of whom appear to have been recruited from and outfitted by the International Male catalog.
What isn’t up for debate is the film’s politics. The only times the Persian army doesn’t look like a gay-pride parade in hell, it looks like a crowd of madly chanting Islamic militants. And if the Spartan king has to break the Spartan law to defend Spartan freedoms? Well, sometimes a king’s gotta do what a king’s gotta do. Because, as the queen of Sparta points out, freedom isn’t free. And, yes, she uses exactly those words. George Bush is going to blow a load in his pants when he sees this movie.
Dan Savage’s new book, The Commitment: Love, Sex, Marriage, and My Family, is on sale now. Send your Savage Love questions to firstname.lastname@example.org. A new Savage Love podcast is available for download every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.