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At one point in I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With, a struggling Chicago actor named James is giving a career-day talk at an elementary school when he starts rambling. “Get this,” he tells the stone-faced kids about his latest job. “It was supposed to be a funny show, but I made people cry. Isn’t that silly?” Curb Your Enthusiam’s Jeff Garlin plays James in the film—which he also wrote and directed—and though he won’t make you cry here, he’ll definitely make you yawn. Garlin’s pet project with the unwieldy title aims to be Woody Allennlite with its accordion-heavy soundtrack as well as a breezier Curb with its chatter about minutiae. But instead of imagining neuroses that are black-tinged and deep-seated, most of the navel-gazing in Cheese is genial to the point of being childlike. The two things that are important to know about James is that he’s fat and looking for love. (If watching the plus-size actor in every scene isn’t enough to remind you about his weight, someone mentions it at what feels like five-minute intervals.) He seems to find love, if not a solution to his dieting problems, when he meets Beth (Sarah Silverman), a “cute girl” who gives James her sundae when she’s watching her sister’s ice-cream shop—and soon, uh, asks him to go underwear shopping with her. (He’s as incredulous as we are.) Silverman is initially a bright spot in this exceedingly loose film, but her character is impossible to like. The same can be said of the majority of the well-connected Garlin’s guest stars: Second City alumni such as Bonnie Hunt, Amy Sedaris, and Dan Castellaneta show up, though their main direction was apparently to act weird so Garlin can scrunch his eyebrows together at them. James meanders from rejection to rejection throughout the film, never raising more than an affable fuss over any of it. Hearing about a remake of Marty for the Tiger Beat generation, in fact, seems to upset James more than any romantic failings. This sub-subplot leads to Cheese’s funniest scene, which involves a seconds-long upstaging by Aaron Carter. Now that’s silly.