Sure, D.C.’s streets are full of potholes, the alleys full of rats. Sure, the wait to renew a driver’s license is three months. OK, so our schools, cops, foster care, public housing, and crime rate are among the worst in the nation. And yes, of the city’s 40,000-odd employees, you’d be hard pressed to find half a dozen who will answer the phone, much less do their job politely and efficiently. But all that’s gonna change—at least for a day. Mark your calendar, because that sultan of municipal mediocrity, Mayor Marion Barry, has declared Oct. 4 to be Washington, D.C., Quality Day. Claiming that “the District government is fully committed to total quality management,” the mayor is urging government and business leaders to attend an all-day conference at the National Press Club. Attendees must pony up $49 per session, or $169 for the whole day, to listen to lectures titled “Customer Satisfaction: Creating Moments of Magic!,” “A Quality Organization Is an Organization of the People, by the People, and for the People,” and—municipal employees take heed—“Get Quality or Get Out.” In addition to the D.C. government, the conference is organized by groups like the Continuous Improvement Co., the International Society for Productivity and Quality Research, the American Quality Institute, and the Quality Observer Corp.