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When you look at a Mark Rothko painting, do you think: 1.) “What astonishing compositional stability!”; 2.) “Why does this piece of junk cost $1.6 million?”; or 3.) “Something’s wrong with the tracking”? If you answered “1,” go directly to graduate school, and please, don’t ever have children. If you answered “2” or “3,” you might want to attend “How to Look at Art Without Feeling Inferior. Milton Esterow, editor and publisher of ARTnews, gives ignoramuses advice on how to appreciate great art. (Hints: Impressionism is “luminous”; modernism is “pure”; and expressionism is just plain ugly.) At 7:30 p.m. at the the Corcoran Gallery’s Hammer Auditorium, 17th & New York Ave. NW. $12. For reservations call (202) 347-3601. (David Plotz)