SEPTEMBER 16

OK, Mr. Ficker, you win. Instead of amending the Constitution to forbid—on pain of death—obnoxiousness like Rockville attorney Robin Ficker’s embarrassing tirades at Bullets games, the arena formerly known as the Cap Center has capitulated to Ficker’s style of boorish bad fansmanship. By hosting auditions for something called the “D.C. Scream Team,” the arena hopes to lure sports enthusiasts who enjoy running through the aisles like drunken monkeys, whooping, hollering, and making enough noise to distract everyone else from the game. Those over 21 wishing to pump up their résumés are invited to test their vocal cords from 9 a.m.-noon at the USAir Arena, Landover. FREE—but there’s a psychic cost. (800) 646-1110. (Dave Nuttycombe)