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In a couple of years, all of America will discover what discerning music critics have long suspected: The members of Van Halen died in a 1986 plane crash and were replaced by four artfully engineered, hairy robots. How else to explain the banality of Van Halen’s post-1984 music? Oh yeah, I forgot: Sammy Hagar. The monsters of schlock play with Our Lady Peace at 8 p.m. at the Nissan Pavilion at Stone Ridge, 7800 Cellar Door Rd., Manassas. $20.75-39.75. (703) 754-6400. (David Plotz)