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Now here’s an invitation no fan of the NEA will be able to resist: A Retirement Party for Jesse Helms. Actually, it’s a party for people who feel the North Carolina conservative’s retirement is long overdue, with proceeds going to the campaign fund for Charlie Sanders, a pro-choice, pro-environment Democrat who wants to run against him in ’96. Helms won’t be there. More’s the pity. At 6 p.m. at the Fifth Column, 915 F St. NW. $18. (202) 393-7022. (BM)