You were trying to appear très élégant at that café along the Seine, all set to order un Coca-Cola in your finest français. Then along came that snooty waiter, who dared address you in English! Well, today, mon ami, revenge is yours: Les Halles Restaurant’s Bastille Day Waiter/Waitress Race and Celebration. Guffaw like the ugly American you are as 125 local waitrons, each balancing two splits of champagne, two fluted glasses, and the tricolor flag, race from the restaurant to the Capitol and back, then pour the drinks, no doubt sweating comme des cochons all over the table linen. True, they’re not really Parisians, but don’t miss this opportunity to make fun of someone. It’s so French. The amusement begins at noon at Les Halles, 1201 Pennsylvania Ave. NW. FREE. (202) 347-6848. (Nathalie op de Beeck)