Name: The Rev. Jesse Louis Jackson

Birthdate: 10/8/41

Height: 6-feet-2 (without pedestal)

Weight: Of the world

Occupations: Orator, sometime presidential candidate, running his…agenda

Missing Since: Taking office as Shadow Senator in 1990. Believed held captive by greater ambitions

Last Seen Wearing: Righteous indignation

Distinguishing Characteristics: Iambic pentameter, closed couplets, alliteration

If you have any information, please contact the people of Washington, D.C.