Name: The Rev. Jesse Louis Jackson
Height: 6-feet-2 (without pedestal)
Weight: Of the world
Occupations: Orator, sometime presidential candidate, running his…agenda
Missing Since: Taking office as Shadow Senator in 1990. Believed held captive by greater ambitions
Last Seen Wearing: Righteous indignation
Distinguishing Characteristics: Iambic pentameter, closed couplets, alliteration
If you have any information, please contact the people of Washington, D.C.