I WOULD LIKE TO MOST sincerely apologize for wasting the valuable time of such an obviously superior human being as Mr. Matt Labash. It disheartens me to think that in the almost five minutes in which I talked to him, he could have been composing additional uproariously funny and intellectually scintillating prose such as that contained in “Pot Roast” (The District Line, 4/7).
However, I do feel constrained to point out the large degree of error in the piece. In those, for the great Labash, agonizing minutes, I spoke chiefly of the U.S. Army’s Panama Canal studies of marijuana smoking, conducted between 1916 and 1932. They concluded that the drug’s use was not a problem and that no steps should be taken toward a prohibition. I did mention some products made of hemp, but only in response to a direct question by the reporter. Still, of what import is accuracy when compared to such brilliant wit?
In 1993, $12.3 billion was spent on America’s drug war, and 75 percent of state prisons were operating over capacity. I realize these facts are insignificant in relation to the impressions and opinions of Labash, yet some of your readers may feel that these issues merit serious discussion. Perhaps, to the next event, you might send someone who is a little less self-absorbed.