AT LONG LAST, someone has come along to explain what is behind all those lousy Hollywood-produced movies now being screened in the cineplexes. According to Stephanie Mencimer in “Learning From Las Vegas” (3/22), the culprit is a conspiracy among male heterosexual filmmakers and phallicentric reviewers to condone movies that allow males to indulge their fantasies. In other words, there is something wrong with the sexual orientation of the movie-producing and movie-reviewing community.

Consider, for example, some of Mencimer’s choice phrases: “a classic heterosexual male fantasy,” “a largely male, largely straight critical establishment,” “male filmmakers permission to indulge,” “male reviewers,” “white-collar dad’s wet dream,” “what man doesn’t think that even on his deathbed he could still get it up,” “as it is, men love Sera,” “male fantasy sells.”

Yup, Mencimer has come up with a wonderful prescription for better movies: Turn them all into politically correct, family-oriented documentaries that show life as it really is, made and reviewed by sexual neuters. Mainly, instill in the brain of filmmakers some imaginary V-chip that will obliterate any tendency to exploit male fantasies. I can hardly wait for the Renaissance.

Cleveland Park