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The Damage Done

Mayor Barry returns.-2

District CFO Anthony Williams underestimates incompetence of city’s financial planners: “…one third to one quarter of the people need to find another line of work.” -3

Happy-hour crowd at Ha’ Penny Lion exceeds voter turnout at May 7 primaries. -2

Claiming hardship, Georgetown sophomore hoop star Allen Iverson bolts for the NBA and darts away in $130,000 Mercedes. -2

District government, which used to have money to burn, now can’t afford to burn bodies at the morgue. Vultures offer services as disposal consultants. -3

Citing failures of the city’s fire department, Firemen’s Insurance Co. hikes premiums 9 percent for District homes. -4

Sponsor of “Say No to Drugs” basketball league sentenced to 9-year prison term—for drug offenses. -2

D.C. Council Chairman Dave Clarke appeals property-tax assessment on Mount Pleasant rental home, joining thousands of other District residents who have seen assessments rise as housing values bottom out. -2

Control board, deployed to slash city’s expenses, proposes budget with larger deficit than mayor’s. -3

Famed Watergate chef/egomaniac Jean Louis Palladin bolts town but neglects to take Phyllis Richman with him. -1

Subtotal: -24

Shots in the Arm

Mayor Barry leaves town. +2

Fearing a two-hour lecture on proper nutrition, White House aides caution President Bill “Cheeseburger” Clinton against meeting with Mayor Barry. Prez huddles with plain old citizens instead. +4

Control board finally does something useful: It strips boxing-promoter-cum-sewage-treatment-expert Rock Newman of a contract to overhaul city’s Blue Plains water treatment plant. +5

Barry and Williams share the Hug Heard ’Round the District. +2

Director of Employment Services Joe Yeldell gets the boot and becomes first person fired by every mayor the District has ever had. Mentions running for office. +3

Barry admits he inhaled…cigarettes. +2

Riverboat gambling petition drive folds. +3

In a move sure to piss off commuters and delight

skateboarding punks, Park Service unveils plans to

permanently shut off Pennsylvania Avenue in front

of White House. +2

D.C. police to buy 225 new cruisers and hire

200 officers. +4

Subtotal: +27