AAA rates D.C. bridges second-worst in country; Georgetown University crew team orders

hard hats. -3

Judge Kaye Christian threatens to close six D.C. schools for fire-code violations. Superintendent Franklin Smith first says the school district is broke and then finds the money to fix the violations. Christian promptly finds 12 more schools in violation, leaving Smith’s career in complete disrepair. -10

After waxing wistful about his “marriage” to the Miami Heat, Juwan Howard returns to Washington, saying, “This is where my heart has always been.” Traitor or liar?-5

After losing tenants, customers, and tons of money, convicted con artist/developer Geary Simon gets second chance from city to run Dupont Down Under further under. -5

In a NIMBY victory that will live in infamy, Georgetowners fend off Papa John’s, a store that threatened to deliver pizzas in their neighborhood. -5

Gangs from Maryland and Virginia stage shootout in front of FBI building at annual Latino festival—yet another example of the uncivilized suburbs exporting crime to the District. -6

A number of Army helicopters swoop in on tony Cleveland Park, blowing away the froth on

residents’ cappuccinos. -1

Student cycling along MacArthur Boulevard is clubbed in the head by baseball bat–wielding thugs riding in a van. -5

Subtotal: -40

Shots in the Arm

Trendy Cafe Atlantico reopens downtown; area clothiers report run on Eurotrash accessories. +3

Despite spike in D.C. homicide rate, stock of Ollie North’s bulletproof vest company, Guardian Technologies International Inc., plummets. +4

After vowing to “go after public enemy No. 1: the automobile,” newly appointed Metro chief Richard White quietly begins

digging additional potholes in District streets. +2

Interns take flight; locals reclaim Booeymonger, Garrett’s. +5

In a testament to the blinding power of Olympic glory, silver medalist Jair Lynch arrives in D.C. from Atlanta and declares, “This is my hometown, and I love being here.” +3

Mayor Marion Barry declares his tourism-promoting reception at the Republican National Convention in San Diego “a success”; days later, O.J. Simpson announces visit to D.C. +3

In a tribute to family values, drug kingpin Rayful Edmond snitches on D.C. drug dealers in exchange for a reduced sentence for his mother, Constance “Bootsie” Perry. +3

CFO Anthony Williams fires 38 D.C. financial bureaucrats—the first time in memory that city employees have been canned for incompetence. +7

Taxicab commission approves

80-cent fare hike; Moody’s upgrades debt ratings for

Nigeria and Ethiopia. +5

Subtotal: +35