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In the interest of balanced political reporting, Washington City Paper decided that it just wouldn’t do to nominate a dream team without also offering the flip side. Here, then, is a worst-case scenario, if for no other reason than to remind you that things could be worse:

City Administrator—David Clarke

Clarke, the current council chairman, is known for his endless, pointless, reasonless tirades. Who better to ensure that the city’s day-to-day operations are even more episodic and inefficient than they are today?

Department of Recreation and Parks—Roweshea Burruss

An ex-con on probation who was recently arrested and indicted for check fraud, Burruss is the obvious choice for the top rec post: His Logan Circle home has served as a recreation center for the likes of Mayor Marion Barry and his inner circle. This is a man who knows how to have a good time.

Department of Human Services—

Vernon Hawkins

Why shop for a new nightmare when you can just relive the old one?

Department of Housing and Community Development—Mary Treadwell

Treadwell, Barry’s second wife, was convicted of conspiracy in 1983 on charges that she skimmed $600,000 from federally subsidized projects, which then became unlivable hellholes. She’s still on the city payroll as a Barry adviser.

School Board President—

George Pope

Known for his race-baiting tactics, Pope never met a school reform he didn’t fight. A jury recently acquitted him of threatening to do “bodily harm” to at-large board member Jay Silberman, who said Pope told him on an answering-machine message that he would “bust you in your face.” This is a man who knows how to get the dialogue over education going.

Board of Elections and Ethics—

Karen Jones Herbert

Washington City Paper revealed that Jones, the D.C. taxicab commissioner, was likely a Maryland resident. It was then discovered that she illegally possessed two driver’s licenses, one for D.C. and one for Maryland. Consequently, she was dropped from D.C.’s voting rolls—more than a year after she helped Eydie Whittington win her Ward 8 council seat by one vote. “Hey,” she told the Post when she was caught, “arrest me.” Elections and Ethics could use some of that zero tolerance.

School Superintendent—

Jeffrey Robinson

At first blush, insurance peddler Jeffrey Robinson would seem a little underqualified to run the schools, but he did manage to land an $875,000 contract to start a school for emotionally disturbed students. He told parents of prospective students that he was qualified to work with their children because he himself had been a special education student.

Chief Financial Officer—

Ivanhoe Donaldson

A former city official with a specialty in getting over, Donaldson has vast personal experience with the intricacies of municipal finance, including a guilty plea on embezzlement charges and a three-year prison stint. Like Barry, Donaldson already has a working relationship with many of the District’s biggest contractors.

D.C. Treasurer—Franklin Smith

Who better to leave funds in accounts where they won’t get touched by wasteful bureaucrats?

Office of Communications—

Harry Thomas

Nothing like an impenetrable Southern drawl and mouth full of marbles to keep the local press at bay.

Office of Emergency Preparedness—Charlie Mason

Mason, husband of At-Large Councilmember Hilda Mason, ambles around town with a stack of Metrobus schedules stuffed in his pockets—no one knows emergency routes better.

Department of Corrections—

Rhozier “Roach” Brown

Brown knows prisons—local and federal—from the inside out.

Police Chief—Art Spitzer

Spitzer’s tenure would be a boon for vagrants, panhandlers, loiterers, and pot smokers. Spitzer, director of the local

American Civil Liberties Union, never

met a petty criminal he didn’t think was

exercising his constitutional rights. CP