After singing “Happy Birthday,” District boosters

chant, “No More Years!” +7

MCI Arena announces plan

for three-story sports bar. Fat

suburban white guys high-five. +2

Probe finds only one dead

person on UDC payroll. +8

Park police test night-vision

device to sniff out thugs in

bushes. D.C. school Superintendent Franklin Smith borrows device to find no-show school-

system bureaucrats. +4

D.C. Taxicab Commission

OKs plan to remove cabs from the streets after six years of use or five fatal crashes with bike messengers, whichever comes first. +4

D.C. Councilmember

Charlene Drew Jarvis advocates “SWAT team” approach to

economic development in the

District. D.C. police snipers,

paratroopers prepare attack on Wal-Mart headquarters. +2

D.C. cops bust underage drinkers in Georgetown. Garrett’s, Champions mull bankruptcy filing. +7

City repaves 18th Street in

Adams Morgan but neglects to plow under parking jockeys. +6

Dupont Circle pizza joint

Vesuvio’s sells out to trendy, healthful chain restaurant.

Commodity prices for grease

and feta cheese take a dive. +1

For first time since spring, D.C. tap water passes bacteria tests. Capitol Hill yuppies use it again to wash Volvos, Starbucks mugs. +10

Subtotal: +51

The Damage Done

D.C. Council Chairman Dave Clarke faints on Capitol grounds before fitness walkathon, yet manages to stay awake for October council bore-athon. -3

City asks citizens to bag leaves. Citizens bag city instead: Census study predicts D.C. population will fall 30,000 by 2000. -8

Fire forces evacuation of

tropical fish at National Zoo. Commentator Carl Rowan Sr. offers famous backyard pool as temporary holding tank. -3

Newt Gingrich calls Barry a

“great disappointment.” Barry retorts that Gingrich has delivered “nothing. Zip. Zero.” Both are right for the first time in years. -3

Vandals decapitate downtown parking meters; federal mint scales back production of quarters. -4

Studies find 148 gangs in Northern Virginia, 18 in Montgomery

County. Mayor Barry asks INS

for assistance in patrolling the Potomac and Maryland line. -6

In newly released movie High School High, kids adorn statue of Barry with crack pipe, lighter, and African headgear. Movie glosses over mayor’s successful “transformation” budget plan. -6

Washington makes Fortune

magazine’s list of America’s

most livable cities—on the strength of its cheap martinis

and comfortable suburbs. -4

U.S. Attorney Eric Holder declines to prosecute Barry’s security guards for ferrying voters to the polls to vote for mayor’s friends. Barry considers expanding mayoral motor-voter program. -6

Subtotal: -43