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Georgetown hyperactivist Westy Byrd challenges Election Day votes of Georgetown students, proposes new poll requirements for Georgetown residents: Voters must have a purebred dog, gray hair, and at least two pairs of

plaid slacks. -7

Park Police shoot and kill buck that was reportedly “charging at citizens” near Hains Point; golfers advised to wear camouflage vests, bright orange caps. -2

Robber strips Supreme Court

Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg of her purse and her court ID card. Mysterious 10th justice shows

up in court chambers the

following day. -1

D.C. Council passes resolution honoring boxing promoter Don King, schedules consideration of proposal for citywide “Hulk Hogan Day.” -2

Bullets star/role model Juwan Howard busted for drunk driving; area youths trade in mesh hoop jerseys for fake IDs. -6

Results, The Gym opens on U Street; Yuppies, The Scum flock to mirrors, treadmills. -2

Washingtonian publishes sexist cover story, “Why Washington Women Can’t Cook.” Look

for upcoming issue, “Why

Washington Glossy Has

Nothing Cooking.” -3

D.C. General Hospital springs

gas leak; patients welcome

fresh smell. -3

Subtotal: -26

Shots in the Arm

Robbers attempt heist at Kalorama home of World Bank President James Wolfensohn but come away with only a cache of pamphlets on bridge loans, debt swaps. +3

Mayor Marion Barry scolds

D.C. government employee for falling asleep during a meeting on social services. Dozing employee awakens to find that the nightmare hasn’t changed. +2

Mayor Barry touts plan to license District panhandlers. Homeless primp for ID photos. +2

Customs agents seize counterfeit merchandise from downtown

vendors. Local Eurotrash wonder where they’ll find that special something for Christmas. +4

Control board gives D.C. public schools “an absolute F” and installs new leadership. Home

rule advocates plead for a chance to fail again. +8

D.C. Council bars howitzers, grenades from District classrooms. Relieved teachers shed

anti-artillery gear. +3

On junket to Asia, Mayor Barry visits Great Wall of China, sparking new idea to prevent resident flight from the District. +3

Task force releases $2-billion

plan to turn putrid New York Avenue into a glistening commercial gem. Next up for task force: Eliminating racism and poverty in the District.+5

Subtotal: +30