Get local news delivered straight to your phone

Support City Paper!

$
$
$

Your contribution is appreciated.

For more than 10 years now, the rapidly aging (yet remarkably horny) boys in Aerosmith have been shilling the same old story and performing the same old song-and-dance. Of course, it’s financially understandable: At the peak of their late-’80s comeback, Steven Tyler, Joe Perry, and the rest of the clubhouse discovered a simple recipe for big album sales—mix three cups slick, randy rock with two dollops hook-driven heartache—that half-kicked their international sales into the stratosphere. So happy to be back in the hearts and crotches (and wallets) of sex-addled teens, the Boston quintet would forget their gritty, bluesy roots and never venture far from their resurrection sound: 1987’s “Dude (Looks Like a Lady)” became 1989’s “Love in an Elevator,” which eventually morphed into current hit “Falling in Love (Is Hard on the Knees).” The entirety of Nine Lives, the band’s 12th studio album, is once again based on the slight alteration of recent success. Sure, the boys have thrown in a sitar and a synthesized muezzin for a weak “Taste of India” theme, but that won’t fool anyone except a few lonely, pimply teens. Ballads “Hole in My Soul” and “Full Circle” are generic offspring of “Cryin’” and “Crazy,” and “Pink” and the title track, while both driven by catchy grooves, are inevitably spoiled by Tyler’s superfrisky playground lyrics. Although bandwide castration would solve a host of problems, Aerosmith will be tearing off this juvenile cookie-cutter noise for at least another decade, thanks to a lucrative multialbum deal with Columbia, which is no doubt sweating the thus-far tepid sales of this subpar outing.—Sean Daly