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I saw a pro bench-presser do his shtick once. Dude strutted onstage like a squat, bald, ninja-turtle foe. Dude got on his back and benched 300 pounds. Benched 400 pounds. Did a move called a “skullcrusher” where he bench-pressed with his fists together on the barbell directly over his head. Dude put 500 pounds on the bar, and four linebackers held onto it to save his silly-ass pea-brain in case his wrists broke. Dude lifted, lowered the bar to his forehead, paused, and pushed it back up. 500 pounds. I turned to my date and said what a great country we live in. Lift in the “Potomac Valley Association Amateur Athletic Union Bench Press Contest”; since it’s a first-time event, all winners will be record-holders in divisions for men, women, teens, over-40, “Fire,” “Military,” and “Police.” At 10 a.m. at Catholic University’s DuFour Athletic Center, 620 Michigan Ave. NE. $20 to participate. $5 to spectate. (703) 241-9488. (Chris Peterson)