If I learned anything from this whole Diana thing, it’s that death really does affect different people differently. Some cry. Others write poems, put on the most garish polyester ensemble they’ve ever telepurchased from the Home Shopping Channel, squeeze into the minivan, and head downtown to throw their verse on the sidewalk.

A large number of local mourners, no doubt inspired by the most recent works of Diana beau Dodi and Bernie Taupin, held a funereal sort of poetry slam on the grieving grounds in front the British Embassy over the weekend. It would be unkind to make cracks about how ode-orous the uncommissioned, unspoken offerings were, about how this for-the-dead poets society had mastered low-ku and imbecilic pentameter, or joke that the collection fell far short of Longfellow. Since death is nothing to joke about, I won’t do that. I’ll let the artists speak for themselves. Here is a sampling of the flowery prose left at the embassy in tribute to the woman formerly known as Princess:

“Princess Diana,” by Christine of Bryantown, Md.:

You are the Queen of hearts

You are the envy of us all

You are the color blonde we all want to be

“Diana,” by Denise D.:

As she breathed her last breath

She was caught as the press

Shouted “Please Di! Just give us one more!”

At the end of that day they all faded away

She will live in our hearts

Evermore!

“Diana,” by Z.A.:

There should not be an ocean and poverty to keep me away

So I can thrown petals along your final way

“To The Woman,” author unknown (but downright Plathological):

To the woman who hated herself

To the woman who taught me to hate myself heals someday into love

To the woman who was betrayed

To the woman who taught me sometimes in betrayal there is truth

To the woman who was mother of a king

To the woman who taught me it takes a mother to raise a king not a Queen

To the woman who was queen of peoples hearts

To the woman who taught me people are what makes a heart complete

To the woman who so desperately wanted to be private

To the woman I needed so desperately to be public

To the woman who died so tragically in a Paris tunnel

To myself, who must teach my future daughters what it truly is to be

A

Princess

A

Mother

A

Humanitarian

A

WOMAN

“Fallen Star,” by Kim S.:

A role model lost too soon like a fallen star

To me, you were untouchable

Like a fallen star

Your light will not fade

It beams on all of us

From all the love you made

(I’m no poetry guy, but it doesn’t take a poetry guy to appreciate a rhyme of “fallen star” with “fallen star.” Kudos!)

“Diana,” by B.M.C.:

In the chamber of our hearts we will keep you whole

As a princess gem set in pure gold

Your forever young and beautiful will stay

And the memories of you we’ll cherish the goodness you displayed

Free from the daunting chase in your every day

In the peace and quiet, forever you will lay

“Forever Princess Diana,” by Cynthia O.:

O “Princess” you go that extra mile

When somebody calls. You walk undetermined with a smile

My tears spitted without the slightest sense of embarrassment

You are home now with glory on a special errand or our lord

Still walking that extra mile

“Princess” you are an Icon

“There is no substitute!”

“Queen of Hearts,” author unknown (but bitter):

Look at these embassy STEPS!

Diana is not being buried

She is being CORONATED

QUEEN OF HEARTS!

Eat your hearts out Elizabeth and Charles!

“Diana,” by Chief Hugo A.:

It was just one moment

I stood under the street light

Looking up at the star

So brilliant and clear

Just one moment in all of eternity

I wonder if a hundred years from now

A young girl will stand on

Classy and Clean

And look at that very star

And go away comforted

(I was right there with you, Chief, same freakin’ page, ’til you threw me that “Classy and Clean” curve. What the hell?)

And finally, on a thick piece of paper adorned with crayons, we have “Untitled,” by Jessica:

Polly put the kettle on

Polly put the kettle on

Polly put the kettle on

And let’s have tea!

Let the healing begin…CP