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D.C. schools open with thousands of textbooks absent. Among nondelivered and misplaced volumes: School Administration for Dummies, Roof Repair Made Easy. -4
Four days after school finally reopens, Councilmember Kevin Chavous opens hearings on delay. Four days after belated hearings, Washington Post runs article about D.C. Council’s tardiness.-3
Local politicos contribute to campaign of D.C. archfoe Rep. Charles Taylor. “I’m involved in a lot of things now,” explains $1,000 donor John Ray. Ray’s new hobbies apparently include gutting public safety, destroying public schools, smearing hometown. -4
Stripped by Congress of veto power, D.C. Council holds nonbinding hearings on mayoral appointees. Council celebrates by putting a nonbinding rubber stamp on yet another mediocre nominee. -2
Police announce opposition to alcohol sales at D.C. street festivals. Locals dubious about prospects for O’Doul’s-sponsored “Great American Near-
Beer Blowout.” -2
Jack Kent Cooke Stadium opens. Survey of fans finds that folks in section located in New Jersey aren’t thrilled about sight lines. -1
Homocide detective suspended after being caught in bed with woman while on duty. Police rationalize by saying that at least officer in question wasn’t filing for overtime. -2
Control board rejects D.C. demands to audit its spending of city tax dollars. Chairman Andrew Brimmer denies that resisting audit is an effort to cultivate support among old-time Barry cronies. -3
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SUBTOTAL: -21
SHOTS IN THE ARM
Police Chief Larry Soulsby shakes up moribund homicide unit over inability to solve two-thirds of murders. Angela Lansbury brought in to help close cases. +4
D.C. Lottery profits fall again under CFO Tony Williams. Williams blames drop on a growing shortage of idiots in D.C. +2
Rep. Charles Taylor replaces Sen. Lauch Faircloth as local-media bad guy. Faircloth re-election advisers mourn loss of chance to win points by portraying senator as D.C.’s most hated legislator. +3
After six years of bureaucratic delays, residents of Fort Davis neighborhood in Anacostia purchase and erect own “Welcome to Washington” sign at P.G. County line. P.G. County residents respond with a “Stay Where You Are” sign at District line. +2
Atlanta Olympics bigwig Richard Monteilh tapped to run D.C. Housing Department. Olympic-style marketing strategy includes “Niketown at Barry Farms.” +3
WHFS morning show draws fire for spoofing Mother Teresa death. Vatican insiders reveal that they might’ve let it slide if station didn’t play all that crappy generic alt-rock. +1
Councilmembers Linda Cropp and Charlene Drew Jarvis participate in celebrity readathon of William Faulkner’s The Sound and the Fury. Audience say it’s first time they’ve sounded really furious in years. +2
Earthquake racks Manassas. Congress blames D.C. welfare culture. +1
SUBTOTAL: +18