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I needed to write in response to the article on interracial dating (“Love Knows Color,” 11/21) (which I liked) as well as the predictable responses from (surprise) black men and white women in The Mail (11/28). I had hoped for some honest acknowledgement by the letter writers of the very serious weaknesses in black man/white woman couplings. The weaknesses that keep playing themselves out in the form of some new scandal, alleged crime, or TV talk show topics. Instead, I read insultingly bad hypermelodramatic poetry (black women and Hitler? I thought Mark Fuhrman got that rap!) and sickening reinterpretations of Dr. Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream” speech to include black men sharing a bed with white women (and Asian women, and Hispanic women…)!

Ignore the issue of interracial or same-race dating and marriage being less available to black women. (Pamela Winston and her “brothas” who wrote letters of protest did.) You can even ignore the fact that black men and nonblack men still can’t “just get along.” As long as black men are willing to die for their white women, then that can only be a sign of hope in a city where black women and children are routinely abandoned and frequently killed by black men (who seem unfazed by the loss).

As for the article being biased or hateful, it was not! The articles simply chose to drop the PC and deal with the most troublesome and significant part of the relationships between black men and white women. The part responsible for the rapidly growing number of illegitimate children raised on welfare, adopted by white families, or raised in single (white) mother-headed homes. The part that makes O.J. trials, Bill Cosby extortion trials, and Aberdeen Proving Ground military scandals.

These are just a few of the stories reflecting what is wrong with black men/white (and other nonblack) women scenarios. I would agree that the media plays these stories up too much, but the fact remains: These things (and a hell of a lot more) are happening! And the black male/white female populations are too small and/or specialized to have these sorts of things occur so frequently between them by accident, coincidence, or nature. Why not other interracial couples or why not as often? This has to be discussed on forums other than Jerry Springer and without black men and white women throwing out the “racism” word to prevent criticism of them.

As a black woman, I am truly not against interracial love. Deep down, I have long wondered whether the problem was interracial relationships or just blacks and whites getting together. Later, I began to wonder if even that was too broad an answer. Maybe the problem is just black men and white women. They seem to be the least responsible, most vocal, and strangely confused of all the interracial lovers. (are theirs the confused children so often mentioned?) Too many white women in interracial relationships say or do racist things that contradict their stated beliefs, and black men are an endless pit of racial pathologies that just get more complicated when they date outside of their race. Am I the only one who has noticed that when the black man speaks of “those whites, white liberals, Koreans, Jews, etc.” he seems to be aiming most of his venom at the men? How then can sex or love with white, Asian, or Jewish women change anything?

The issue of interracial relationships cannot be chalked up as a gain for the country until any and all losses (especially to black women and black families) are honestly weighed in with it. I would never suggest that black men in interracial relationships are the only ones to blame for the loss of black love, commitment, marriage, and family. But it would be dishonest to not admit that they are an equal part of it. Together with the black males who choose prison, drugs, marital infidelity, commitment to bachelorhood, and sexual irresponsibility, black men who choose interracial relationships are just another hole in the bucket that is black America—a hole black women, the government, and white volunteers are getting tired of pouring endless time and resources into. If only the black man had built up the black family and community first, then he (and the black woman) could have been free to live and love where they chose (as Asians and Jews do). If black men did more to love, repair, protect, and provide for black women and black families, it would do more than decades of black men and white women dating or marrying could ever do for race relations in America—and elsewhere.

Congress Heights