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The Damage Done:

Population survey finds D.C. hemorrhaging young single people and poor. Officials from Potomac seek advice on how to replicate model. -4

Control board vice chairman Stephen Harlan’s driver’s license suspended; board hires consultants to assist him in riding Metro. -2

Larry Soulsby, most clueless police chief in District history, resigns amid heaps of praise from control board and D.C. Council. -10

Barry takes heat for trip to Nigeria but manages to recruit more clueless taxi drivers for D.C. -1

Louis Richardson, nominee to head D.C. Taxicab Commission, tells Washington Post, “Hell, yes, I’m a goddamn convicted felon.” Other hopefuls update résumés to reflect time served. -5

Study finds police department could save money, solve more crimes by using computers. Officers hope new equipment enhances blackmail operations as well. -4

D.C. officials shut down Northeast slaughterhouse ridden with chickens, feces, and diseased animals. Drive-up window temporarily closed. -5

Subtotal: -31

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Shots in the Arm:

District drinking water passes tests for 14th month in a row; council renames Blue Plains treatment plant “Oasis on the Potomac.” +8

Del. Eleanor Holmes Norton co-sponsors bill to clean up Anacostia River; Safeway prepares for return of thousands of shopping carts. +5

Barry announces support for legalization of marijuana for medicinal purposes, complains of chronic muscle spasms. +3

Tenley residents fight porn video store and restaurant serving trendy wrapped specialties. Porn store responds with joint-venture proposal to sell tawdry goods wrapped in whole-grain tortillas. +3

Metro plans crackdown on commuters who eat on trains, promising to hold offenders in captivity until completion of Green Line. +4

Barry accuses Saturday Night Live of “poor taste” for depicting him as pager-carrying hustler, saying everybody knows he has state-of-the-art digital cell phone. +2

Subtotal: +25