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Quentin Crisp played Queen Elizabeth in Orlando and quipped his way through a stage version of The Importance of Being Earnest as Lady Bracknell, but his most remarkable role is the one he plays on speaking tours: himself. A self-proclaimed wit, raconteur, author, and professional priss whose personal philosophy (“Never keep up with the Joneses; drag them down to your level—it’s cheaper”) is definitely one to live by, Crisp will spend the first half of “An Evening With Quentin Crisp” offering his thoughts on all manner of people and activities. In the second half, he’ll answer audience queries in his own inimitable fashion. At 8 p.m. tonight-Saturday and 2 p.m. Sunday at Church Street Theater, 1742 Church St. NW. $20. (202) 265-3748. (Bob Mondello)