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For years now at Christmastime I have longed to be Jewish. Christians have made a complete mess of their holiday. Where most Santaholics typically spend Christmas Eve in various stages of disappointment, despair, or drunkenness, the clever Jews opt for a more simple and civilized course of Chinese food and a movie. The second annual “Kung Pau Comedy Night” once again offers the sane alternative of delicious, care-free dining and laughs from comedian Orny Adams. Orny’s been on Leno and SNL, so he should prove more entertaining than crabby in-laws and screaming infants. Mazel tov! (Did I say that right? And what kind of name is “Orny”? Are we sure he’s, you know, one of “us”?) At 8 p.m. at D.C. Jewish Community Center, 16th & Q Sts. NW. $40. (202) 518-9400. (Dave Nuttycombe)