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Monty Hall is handing you a check for $250,000, but just before it reaches your palm, he offers to exchange it for what’s behind door No. 3. You make the deal. The door retracts, and out staggers a spotty 18-year-old drunk who needs that quarter-mil you no longer have so he can go to college. You’re pounding your head, thinking, “Thanks, Monty—I’ll take the cash!” But it’s too late. Just be consoled that many fools have knowingly made the trade, and that many a thwarted couple seek to join them. Among the stymied are women who squandered their fertile years bouncing around the bars in the Herpes Triangle and guys who spent enough time in the hot tub that their genetic patrimony has shriveled to so much cottage cheese. Share their pain when Paula Stone reads from “Experiences of Childlessness: A Journey to Self-Discovery” at 7:30 p.m. at Barnes & Noble, 4801 Bethesda Ave., Bethesda. FREE. (301) 986-1761. (Glenn Dixon)