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The Golden Destroyer rocked on the bottom of the stream bed like a swollen Ballpark Frank in a boiling pot. The trickling waterway ran right past our junior high bus stop, so it was inevitable that Darren Anderson and I, both 13 years old, would spot the 12-inch hot-pink dildo during our morning wait. Westford, Mass., teen seductresses Wendy Smerigan and Krissy Pergakis ordered us to retrieve the sex toy—a stranger in our middle-class suburb—and hide it in the bushes nearby. Such trusting young souls—so terribly smitten with early developers Wendy and Krissy—we obliged and waited until the next day to examine our prize. Alas, the Destroyer was gone when we returned. So if you see either of those devious Westford girls at the “Fabulous Sex Toy Extravaganza,” hosted by Denise Bump and Meryl “missbaby” Hooker, make sure to ask them what they’re carrying in those extralarge purses. At 4 p.m. at Lammas, 1607 17th St. NW. Free. (202) 775-8218. (Sean Daly)