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The Damage Done:

Former D.C. library director pleads guilty to double-dipping on expenses and racking up overdue charges on copy of How to Fleece Your Employer. -4

Report reveals only half of District’s police officers get firearms training; other half trained to shout, “Freeze or I’ll shoot—if I could just find the safety!” -5

D.C. Council lops 4 inches off dais for fuller view before TV cameras. “Now I can showcase my washboard abs,” says Ward 5 Councilmember Harry Thomas. -1

Central computer at Metro falters; “We’ve deleted the entire Orange Line between Rosslyn and Dunn Loring,” laments Metro official. -2

At-Large Councilmember Carol Schwartz pushes bill allowing D.C. residents to drink beer on front stoops, issues brown bags with “Schwartz for Mayor” printed on side. -3

D.C. Council rejects recycling contract, passes unanimous resolution: “After years of experimentation, citizens find it easier to put all trash in one bag.” -4

Subtotal: -19

Shots in the Arm:

Street vendors meet with control board to discuss vending regulations; chairman Andrew Brimmer insists that foot-longs be measured after cooking. +5

Wizards trade forward Chris Webber to Sacramento Kings for three jugs of Gatorade and physical therapy device to be named later. +7

Mayor Marion Barry declines to seek fifth term, citing increased opportunity working from the “outside.” Residents hope he’s talking about the District line. +10

Nonprofit program trains welfare recipients to drive cabs; food stamps now good for multizone trips. +4

Police Chief Charles Ramsey announces goal of making department the “finest…in the nation.” We’ll settle for top 500, chief. +1

Powerball jackpot reaches $175 million; Washington Convention Center Authority gobbles up tickets. +3

Barry praises record turnout in Hong Kong’s first election; Brimmer praises Chinese army for record crackdown on free speech. +2

Subtotal: +32