It’s a conundrum posed by the great contemporary Jewish thinker, Jerry Seinfeld: When you’re out, you want to be home; when you’re home, you want to be out. Tonight’s Christmas Eve, so if you’re not a goy, of course you desperately want to go out. Like any member of the tribe worth your gelt, you might bow to tradition: Head for the movies, contemplate your Christmas-tree envy, and conclude that it’s really better this way because you can take full advantage of the after-Christmas sales, guilt-free. Or you can be more Reconstructionist and combine two great Jewish traditions—Chinese food and comedy—by attending the third annual “Kung Pao Comedy Night.” This year’s host is Todd Barry (who just might be one of us), a stand-up comedian who’ll add the DCJCC to a résumé that already includes appearances on the Letterman and Conan O’Brien shows. At 8 p.m. at the D.C. Jewish Community Center, 16th & Q Sts. NW. $40. (202) 518-9400. (Elissa Silverman)