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Yap yap yap! The growling, barking, and general puppiness of a neighbor’s dog—a 15-month-old German shepherd named Rocky—was apparently really starting to get on the nerves of D.C. Police Officer Gail Anderson as she sat in her Landover home. So on Sunday, March 7, Anderson took matters into her own hands: She took out her gun and blew Rocky into doggie heaven.

Prince George’s County Police reported to the scene soon enough and charged Anderson with only one crime: discharging her firearm within 1,000 feet of a home, a misdemeanor. “There’s no specific crime for killing a dog,” says P.G. County Police spokesperson Cpl. Joe Merkel. “There’s cruelty to animals and destruction of property, but nothing specifically for homicide of an animal.”

Perhaps the lack of a statute against canicide was factored into the Metropolitan Police Department’s decision to retain Anderson on the force “on full duty,” according to a department spokesperson on March 11. Later that day, however, the department reconsidered its decision, removing Anderson from official duties—but only after word got out about the TV report on the incident by Channel 9’s Joan Gartlan the night before. Anderson’s supervisors had known about the incident since the evening it took place, after all, having been called to the scene of the slaughter.

It hardly seems fair. To Anderson, that is. In trying to silence a pesky neighborhood pet, she was only doing what so many District police officers do on a regular basis: solving a glitch with a Glock. Whether it’s a domestic dispute, target practice, a workplace altercation, a traffic stop, or an actual crime, our cops are utilitarian in nature—Have gun, will fire. And, as a lengthy Washington Post study revealed, many of our officers are about as trigger-happy as the average member of the Khmer Rouge. But why stop with just shooting perps?

ProblemProblem solved

Door locked, lost key.Use the knob for target practice. Hope you’ve improved since the last time at the range.

TV on, want to get some sleep,Take a page out of Elvis’ book:

don’t want to get out of bed.Shoot the damn thing.

Officer in need of assistance.Why invest in a costly radio when a nice round into the air will summon the

cavalry in a hot second? Shoot a bullet in

the air, it comes down I know not where.

Itch in hard-to-reach spot.Use the gun to scratch and, oops, don’t forget that safety.

Ice dams on roof.Six shots to the dome should get your house ice-free in no time.

Your downstairs neighbor plays his Shot through the floor! And he’s to

Bon Jovi CD loud enough so you canblame! He gives love a bad name!

hear every word.

Those ninnies at the McDonald’s drive-A little drive-by fusillage ought to help

through screwed up your order again.them get it straight next time.

Toilet stopped up—again.Forget a plunger; nothing like a little hot lead to tear through annoying solids, whether puppies or poop. CP