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I’ve spent far too much time playing around in the toilet. There I am, for hours on end: jiggling pipes, jangling nozzles, poking that big black balloon thingie. But it’s all useless: The all-important reservoir tank still takes five hours to refill after a flush. My girlfriend, too scarred by the sad behavior of my crapped-out crapper, has taught her digestive system to shut down when she visits. Sure, I save money on dinner and drinks, but how much snack-free Scrabble can we play? And yes, I’ve tried wandering into hardware stores and digging for a little free advice, but by the time those automatonic gadget hounds are through verbally mending my john, I’ve already settled on just dashing into Starbucks and whizzing there. Join me on the road to commodal recovery when D.C.’s Water and Sewer Authority hosts a Do-It-Yourself Home Plumbing Workshop at 10 a.m. at the D.C. Water and Sewer Authority’s Blue Plains Central Operations Facility’s second-floor cafeteria, 5000 Overlook Ave. SW. Free. For reservations call (202) 645-6277. (Sean Daly)