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Ten lessons I’ve learned while gambling: (1) When you’re playing blackjack with a friend who makes more money than you do, he’ll always win. (2) And you’ll always lose. (3) Guzzling two free drinks per hand will always lessen the pain of watching your friend hit 21 four times in a row. (4) The booze will also give you the guts to make a pass at your friend’s wife. (5) Because screw your friend for working at his dad’s law firm and showing you up at cards. (6) That sonofabitch golfs everyday anyway, and it’s not your fault your friend’s wife is always making eyes at you and got really drunk at a New Year’s Eve party and said that you were cute “in a John Candy sort of way.” (7) What in the hell is that supposed to mean? (8) Shit, where was I? (9) Oh yeah: (10) Always split aces and eights. See if you can learn as much at historian Tim Jones’ lecture on the local manifestations of the dreaded/beloved vice, “River of Money: Illegal Policy and Numbers in D.C.,” at 7 p.m. at the Daniel Branch Library, 801 Rhode Island Ave. NW. Free. (202) 671-0212. (Sean Daly)