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“When we first hooked up we didn’t have nothing. Not a thing. Just a fast car and a couple of guns. But when you’re young and in love that’s all you need,” writes John Ridley in his latest anti-Hollywood treatise, Everybody Smokes in Hell. No wonder D.C.’s overachieving power-yup couples are mired by near-constant existential angst—none of them have guns or cars. Even if you manage to be young and in love sans velocity and weaponry, dysfunction can be fun when it’s bound in a $23 glossy hardcover. A follow-up to his highly acclaimed Love Is a Racket, Ridley’s latest focuses on a loveless, luckless convenience store employee with big-time dreams and problems to match. Bum a smoke from Ridley, a former stand-up comedian and writer for The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and Martin, when he reads from his book tonight at 7 p.m. at Olsson’s Books & Records, 1200 F St. NW. Free. (202) 347-3686. (Amanda Fazzone)