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Dogs can be any combination of cute, affectionate, playful, and plenty of other amusing things. That’s why people become attached to them. I, however, know better. In my youth, I was chased, bitten, and ambushed by canines that I thought I could trust—one of which was the family pet. After starring in my personal version of When Dogs Attack, I have learned—all cutesy crap aside—that dogs are unpredictable, self-absorbed, and without regard for human life and safety. For those of you who refuse to realize that man’s “best friend” is, in fact, one of his worst enemies, there is always the “9th Annual Doggie Dash and Stroll,” described as “a scenic 1.25 mile race and social stroll along Cameron Run.” Fine. Take your vicious animals as far out of the city as possible and start ’em walking. Don’t come back. See if I care. At 8 a.m. Meet at Eisenhower Ave., Alexandria, next to Cameron Run Park. $20. (703) 838-4387. (Neil Drumming)