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If I weren’t going to be on a bus steaming toward Boston for this weekend’s MLS Cup Final (featuring DC United), I’d definitely be cruising down to the MCI Center tonight for the “Toys ‘R’ Us Victory Tour,” featuring the U.S. Women’s National Team versus the Rest-of-the-World All-Stars. Slated to appear are women’s soccer (and American pop culture) stars Mia Hamm, Brandi Chastain, and other members of this summer’s World Cup championship team. The U.S. Women have been a little less successful on this current indoor-tournament jaunt around the country than in their normal outdoor exploits (read: they actually lose some games), but one would expect this, following what must be a monumental WWC hangover. The likes of Laurie Hill (Mexico) and Hege Riisse (Norway) must enjoy putting one over on the hometown heroines. If nothing else, this will be a great family night out—and the possibility of drunk ‘n’ loutish fan behavior is about as likely as the Capitals’ winning the Stanley Cup this year. (Admit it: As much as we’d like it to happen, it just ain’t gonna happen.) If my experience seeing the team in action at Jack Kent Cooke this summer is any indication, earplugs may be in order to save your hearing from the screams of the several thousand Mia wannabe’s in attendance. At 1 p.m. on Saturday, Nov. 20, at the MCI Center, 601 F St. NW. $18.50-$37.50. (202) 432-7328. (Kelly Riles)