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The most privileged dietary status in all the land is cohabitating with someone who is on the Atkins Diet. Unlike the poor, hapless dieter in your midst, constantly on the hunt for huge portions of protein sans carbs, you can slap that bacon on big ol’ pieces of toast and wolf down your steak with a baked potato—or two. And while your loved one disassembles a Whopper in search of the beefy part she can actually eat, you can aim the whole lovely package at your piehole—no muss, no fuss. Thanks to my spouse and her diet, Dr. Robert C. Atkins has enriched my life immeasurably, and now he wants to extend it with his amazing, miraculous, fat-filled regimen. Atkins is now pitching his diet for the long haul, suggesting that you can live almost forever if you stick with the plan. Dr. Filet Mignon tells you how and signs copies of Dr. Atkins’ Age-Defying Diet Revolution, at 7 p.m. at Borders, 5871 Crossroads Center Way, Baileys Crossroads. Free. (703) 998-0121. (David Carr)